I think I'm having problems trusting people and being wary isn't getting anywhere. 

So, after much observation I've decided that if you think you know what's best for me, I'll go with the flow. Surprisingly, your current decision is befitting considering the situation I have suddenly found myself in due to unforeseen circumstances.



That said, thank you for trying so hard to keep me in the team. And that I really, really hope I don't experience deja vu. 






Now, back to focusing on trusting others and myself. Because the uncertainty is killing me and feeling uneasy of late has been driving me nuts. I don't like that feeling. 


If I don't have a promising, or at least a stable career, the ideal love life (not necessarily married since having a kid means goodbye to crazy partying nights) and enough moolah to make sure I can indulge in certain luxuries and even decadence occasionally then by the time I'm 28, rest assured that I will shoot myself with a gun or do whatever it takes to get me there. 



I just find myself right at this particular starting line with the required props provided for me, however the finishing line is nowhere in sight.  And that's exactly how I feel right now. Uncertain. I mean I've got the job, which requires me to perform well enough. I've got the perfect boyfriend but he's just too many miles away though talks of the future have occured. And I just hope that by the end of all this, I'd see money rolling in and that my personal love life would still be existent and blooming. 



I guess we're all just :


Too fast to live, too young to die.

I'm missing couplehood right now, where I can find solace in another by just hugging him(or her for that matter). Where we can stroll about in town and invade new places like ION together. Where we can plan our meals for the day. Where we can spend the weekends with each other and it doesn't matter if we're stuck indoors because the rest of the world is inexistent. Stuff like that. 


Anyway, my job's been good and things kinda took a twist. Whatever it is, things really happen for reason. So if you find yourself in a shithole right now or you just can't seem to be getting what you desire, trust me, these things happen (or don't happen) for a particular reason and you'll only be able to find out in time. 


Now I just want you to fly down to me, even if it's just for 2 days because it's just not fair that the rest of the world gets to move except for us.

 When I get my first salary I am going to:


1) Get a perm. 
2) Get a bag. I shall not be so ambitious as to head to the high end stores, so I'll just aim for Agnes B or even Armani Exchange will do. Oh but I want a Kate Spade bag. =(
3) i Pod Touch
4) The 200 dollar facial that I used to love and swear by. 
5) Something tells me those 4 are too much to ask for since it's concerning a first paycheck and it's not like I haven't bills to pay. And possibly a mini debt or 2. 




But ok, I'll get still get something I deserve!! A girl's got the right to pamper herself every now and then!!!! 


Meanwhile I shall just dream.....


Love.

It's difficult to move forward when you can't seem to expand your boundaries (and horizons) and when you're fearful and what not.


What can I say? At the end of the day, paranoia is what plagues me and I worry over everything.


But look, I'm trying and I decided not to give up. Life's too short to throw away chances with such abandon, and besides, I'm not getting any younger.


I just find it so hard having to chose between 2 and I always seem to be having to make such decisions when I'm one of the most capricious people that I know.


Le Sigh..........



Well, at least Chi Chi came to perk me up a little while I was tossing in bed and commiserating.. Animals do wonders sometimes.







One fine day, I must post some pics of happy moments that occurred in the past few months. However, it's a very troublesome thing to do. I still don't understand how some people can even post the exact amount of pictures on FB and their blog. I'd rather spend my free time reading FML instead or something, or even stoning. But whatever it is, this blog lacks pictorial updates.





K. To bed. 

I start my new job on Tuesday. Things are happening rather fast and yeah, so much for saying I'm happy and enjoying my unemployment! 


So, new doors are opening and opportunities are coming my way. 



But as long as I'm happy with the job scope and salary, I should be able to swing it! 




I am a teeny bit sad that my late nights are now officially over though! Le Sigh....




But whatever it is, I am filled with gratitude.



So....Here's to happy days!!!!



xoxo